You Don’t “Fail” Unless You Give Up

Ski season is back in effect and I am a fair weather blue run skier. Sometimes I’m tempted to be ashamed of that. I think I should be better. And then, I remember learning how to ski in my 30s and going to lessons wearing new, unfamiliar, bulky gear, and being on the bunny hill.

I fell down so many times. Me, a tall, able bodied brunette white woman with good balance. A yogi.

I fell down so many times.

My partner at the time worked at ski resorts. He was an athlete and a nimble rock climber. He didn’t want to have anything to do with me – he directed me to lessons and swooshed away. It was a smart move on his part. And I didn’t really want my lover to witness me being a total mess.

I fell down many more times.

I cried. Many, many times.

I drank Fireball whiskey some days and quit early.

I pouted and lashed out at my partner and friends.

I told everyone to leave me alone.

I went to the ski resort by myself and fell many more times… alone.

I hated falling.

I went home and beat myself up and was ashamed of myself and embarrassed and compared myself to all my skiing friends. I cried more and then…

I went back.

After a lot of suffering, I started to be comfortable with the bunny hill and green runs. And then, I tried a blue run. Back to falling.

Falling, sweating, nervous energy, fear of conditions, fear of failure. Snow in my pants. Tears in my goggles. Panic in the lift line. Frozen moments on the sides of icy runs: how will I make it down THIS??? WHERE AM I? I WILL DIE OUT HERE AND THEY WON’T FIND ME.

Oh and yeah… I kept falling. I’m almost six feet tall. It’s a long hard fall. It’s humiliating.

Years later, I am still scared sometimes to ski. I have made it to being a blue skier, and yet, there are further challenges: powder days, moguls, black diamond runs, trying to keep up with people who go FAST.

There are always further challenges ahead if I want them. Do I want them?

If I want to improve, I know what will come next: “failing”: being bad at something until I finally get better.

Are you afraid to “fail”? Then you will not grow.

Do you want to grow? You will “fail.” It is the only way to get better.

Why am I putting “fail” in quotations? Because it’s only going to be a fail if you give up. I succeeded in learning how to ski. I just fell down a lot. I succeeded in earning a PhD. I was just criticized A LOT. I ran a marathon. I “failed” to do many training runs and meet goal times.

The difference between my successes and my failures? One thing: with the successes, I never gave up.

Beautiful reader: Try. “Fail.” Don’t give up. At some point, you will succeed if you don’t stop. The only thing between you and your next success is the willingness to try and the willingness to feel negative emotions: shame, embarrassment, fear, sadness, frustration.

You can feel any feeling. Welcome them with compassion. Cry them out. Listen to the messages. Begin again.

Will it be worth it? You tell me.

Loving you out there.

“Fail” more. Stop giving up on beautiful you.