I Hope I Love You More Than You Love Me

The chilling beginning of “Gone Girl” by Gillian Flynn introduces you to “cool girl” Amy Dunne and her relationship with her boyfriend Nick. Amy is aloof, nonchalant, bemused by Nick and yet kind of over him already. She would NEVER like him more than he liked her.

If you haven’t read this book, please start it today. You’re going to love how all that “cool girl” stuff plays out.

It always seems that “cool girls” get the guy. I sit back and watch women mistreat some of my most precious male friends and the men just seem grateful for some love or touch spattered here and there.

Women are told to act hard to get. To withhold attention. To keep men chasing.

UGGGGGG. Playing that game is bone chilling. The cool girls I know seem so deeply unsatisfied. Ask Amy Dunne. Bwah ha ha ha.

Let’s consider another strategy: love people way more than they love you. Not just in romance. All the time.

Try to love the most ridiculous, crabby, icy people. Love the people who say terrible things. Love the people who project their shit on everyone and blow up their lives. Be interested in them. Love them. Find something to love. Join the breed of human labrador retrievers.

Haters gonna hate. Lovers LOVE. And we love you more than you sometimes love yourself.

I love you even if you don’t love me. Why?

Tell me a better choice.

Now, some of you are saying that you don’t want to give that POWER to someone else. Who cares??? What power are you talking about? How are you benefitting from withholding love? I don’t get it.

For example, I recently had a student in the military. He gave me a hard time about my assignment rules. I found this hilarious since he was in the military and spent his whole career following rules. I loved him. He really interested me. So interesting this guy.

He sent me crabby emails. Hilarious! I wrote back explaining why I made my rules and that I cared about his success in the class. He grumbled. He capitulated.

He totally loved me. That’s what I decided. I don’t know if it’s true, but I bet someday, somewhere, he is going to tell some friends that this woman… WOMAN!… made him take some chances. Do something different. She challenged him to grow. To give vulnerable speeches. He had such a hard time with me.

He loves me.

Why are we afraid to love someone more than they love us? Do we ever really know how much they love us? Do you own some kind of love meter that I haven’t heard about?

If someone rejects me or my love, or is cruel to me, it is possible I will feel some emotions about that:

Embarrassment. Shame. Judgement. Ridicule.

We are all afraid of these feelings. We are not really afraid of words. We are afraid of the feelings that come after the words are spoken: I don’t love you.

We don’t want to hear words spoken without love.

We don’t want to feel a “negative” emotion.

So we play it “cool.”

And yet, when you start exploring your emotional life, and you aren’t afraid of any feelings, and you face the feelings you think are “negative” with compassion, you find out some incredible truths:

Your feelings are helpful information. You can feel them all and listen to the messages. And guess what? I bet you that the biggest message that your spirit is telling you is this:

YOU LOVE PEOPLE.

You love people SO MUCH!

Yay! Feel the love, boo. They don’t ever have to love you back… I mean… WHO CARES? You get to feel love!!!

Beautiful reader: Your love is the best thing about you. How often do you want to feel love? How much can you love someone? Who else can you love? What else can you love?

Go for it. Stop trying to be cool. It’s a manipulative, controlling game. It’s murderous to your soul.

Live like a labrador. Love it all.

I am loving you out there today. Way more than usual! I definitely love you more than you love me, and I am so freaking proud of myself. I love myself too. I’m so ridiculous it’s crazy, and I’m sending it out to you. MMMMMMMWAH! LOVE YOU!!! XO