Your Butt is Perfect

Last week, my friend Katie declared that she was practicing a new script: “I don’t have to be perfect.”

YES! YES YES YES!!! I was driving the car when she said it, but I nearly jumped out of my seat.

Of course not! Of course you don’t have to be perfect!

And yet… I often want to be perfect.

I am especially mad at my big butt for not complying.

Oh yes, I know there is that whole Sir Mixalot song “I like big butts and I cannot lie,” but really, I think he’s lying. I’m not really sure he likes big butts… he probably likes really tiny chicks that happen to have microscopic waists and slightly larger butts, but really, I do not fully trust that Sir M likes big butts.

I’m convinced that this whole “I like big butts” thing is just for giggles. It’s comedic. It’s a funny song to laugh along with.

Meanwhile, my big butt is not so funny ha ha.

When I was in high school, I was in a gym class held in the gym/auditorium. There was a stage on one side of our gym. An upperclass guy went behind the curtain of the stage one day and got on the microphone. He boomed out over the loudspeaker from his hidden spot behind the curtain. His super loud voice said:

“HOLLY. THIS IS GOD. YOUR ASS IS HUGE.”

A few people laughed uncomfortably. I panicked, because here’s the thing:

Holly’s ass was not huge. Holly was beautiful and blonde. She had a very nice and well-proportioned backside.

I kept thinking Her ass is huge? Hers? Half the girls in this gym have an ass bigger than hers!

We all looked at Holly and she laughed it off. I admired her for that confidence.

My teenage self did not have that confidence. I thought so many things about me were imperfect, way beyond my butt. It took me decades to learn the script “I don’t have to be perfect.” Especially not for some jerk behind a curtain.

What is “perfect” anyway? Who gets to decide? Regardless of what it means, none of us have to be perfect. NOTHING about us has to be perfect.

Ergo, my butt does not have to be “perfect.”

And yet… awwwwwww maaaaan!!!

I still wish it was.

The thing is, my butt is one of my last holdouts. It is one of my last battlegrounds of self acceptance. I just…

I wish I had the butt of my teenage self back (impossible). I wish I had the butt of JLo (a celebrity). I wish I had the butt of Jillian Michaels (a celebrity personal trainer who works out for a living). I wish I had a dream butt, and yet, I don’t.

I don’t have a teenage celebrity personal trainer kind of butt.

Psst, Georgi… The script? Remember the script??  Oh yes…

You do not have to be perfect!

For crying out loud, it would take me a million years to tell you all the cool things my ass has done. This butt has shimmyed and sashayed on mountaintops. At concert halls. In National Parks. Classrooms and auditoriums. Deserts. Rivers. Overseas. Continent after continent, this ass has gone on so many incredible adventures.

You know what?

I probably need to start thanking it.

I probably need to say I’m sorry, ass, for being ashamed of you.

I probably need to forgive myself for all the time I wasted wishing I was different.

I probably need to put my ass into some tight jeans and dance it around.

I probably need to say, “HEY GOD, MY ASS IS HUGE. THANK YOU.”

Beautiful reader: You don’t have to be perfect. Not one single bit. Not one single thing about you needs to be perfect. Not your butt, not your family, not your relationships, not your job, not the way your dog behaves, NOTHING. NOTHING has to be perfect.

I like imperfect people and I cannot lie.

Hey, boo, today and every day, as-is, you are worthy of so much love.

And, by the way, trust me on this one…

Your ass is perfect.