Your Mother Says Crazy Things Because That’s What She Does

I am the daughter of a very stylish mother. She won “Best Dressed” in high school, and was a secretary in New York City who attended “Finishing School,” where she learned etiquette and social graces. She can dazzle you while wearing a swanky jumpsuit.

Too bad her grungy teenage daughter wore flannel and combat boots and hated makeup.

OMG, I have disappointed my mother so much in terms of femininity. Quotes to illustrate:

• If someone did your laundry, they would think you were a boy.
• Have you even BRUSHED your hair?
• Would it KILL you to wear a little lipstick?
• BLACK?!! Black, black, black! Can’t you ever wear some COLOR?

For years, these questions clawed at my skull. I dreaded them, and to deal with them, I got really angry. Or, I got a migraine.

But, better late than never, my attitude has changed. You know why my mother says those things? Because that’s what she does.

You know that person in your life that you THINK drives you crazy? What if, instead of resisting and fighting their patterns, you just said, “That’s what they do”?

You can be like a film director with cue cards!

• Cue your uncle saying something insensitive at the holidays.
• Cue your friend putting herself down.
• Cue your colleague coming into the meeting 15 minutes late.

Oh, PEOPLE. You are never, ever, ever going to be able to control them. Go ahead. Try. I’ve tried for decades. I’ll share my migraine meds with you.

So what do we do with PEOPLE? Accept them. Believe they are doing their best.

And you know what? Maybe there are things that you do. Oh yes, you: I mean, are you going to stop eating Doritos because you know they’re toxic? Are you going to start being punctual because I’m tired of you asking what happened in the FIFTEEN FREAKING MINUTES OF THE MEETING THAT YOU MISSED?

No, no you’re not.

Dear friend. Sweet human being. Brave warrior. Please accept the truth: You can’t change other people. Never. Ever, ever, ever.

People get to do whatever they want to do. Always. Always, always, always. So, do you want something to change? Change yourself. Start taking control of the only life you can control: Yours.

Alas, I cannot control my stylish lipsticked mother, so instead I just accept and freaking love that bizarro best dressed dazzler. I don’t have to hang out with her all the time, but I also don’t have to fear her helpful hints.

In fact, I just won first place in my age category (40+ Masters! Toot toot) in the Escalante 10 mile race. My mother was seriously unimpressed. She says running is unladylike and crazy! Am I upset that she didn’t congratulate me? No. I laughed. Why?

Haven’t you been listening?

Did you miss the first 15 minutes???

She says crazy things!!!

THAT’S WHAT SHE DOES.

Now, try to be on time for our next blog. And brush your hair.

And really, a little color wouldn’t kill you.